It’s On the Tip of My Tongue

It’s On the Tip

of My Tongue

For me, right now, Spirituality is like the name of that band who plays the old song you’re listening to, you know it’s in your brain locked somewhere and if somebody said it you would go “Yes, that’s it, how could I have forgot that?”

So my sister came from San Francisco and we were visiting Mother in the nursing home and I had to go (Who doesn’t these days) off the entire nursing home property (obviously thats who is running the show, the Health Care, Drug company, Insurance company cartels) to enjoy a cigarette. This property is next to an abandoned railroad right of way that is now a bicycle path, nature site, so it’s kinda neat. And sure enough, here thay come, two of them with their name tags, their conservative dress and they are obviously LDS. God, do I have a sign up saying here I am, I definitely need saving (actually, I think I do look like I need saving, but they aren’t Marie Osmond clones so they are out of luck)? No, it’s because I’m a stationary target more likely. So I got to do the no, not today no thank you, please go away.

My sister cheats, she is a Zen Buddhist, so she can say she is that, and that is a philosophy more than a religion and have her cake and eat it. I went to a Zen center and they had rituals and social interaction and I want to go to a cave in a mountain and contemplate w/o human interference or stay in this world and try to get laid.

Mother had a vision when she was in a Psych ward due to old age and forgeting if she took her heavy duty back pain pills which can lead to dementia. She saw the whole world in checkerboard patterns and she saw the “Virgin Mary“, who came to comfort her. I thought this was profound in that she was raised in the Church of Christ and married a Lutheran, neither of which place much emphasis on the Virgin. So in my mind, I have decided that it was either really the Virgin, in which case I need to convert, or it was God and the old Mother Earth Goddess is the true faith, but not being sure, it still remains on the “Tip of my Tongue”.

One thing seems clear is I’m not inclined to think it’s the LDS ( not that the LDS might not offer something to the person looking for faith, I’m just a lapsed Lutheran considering either Catholicism, Lutheranism again or Buddism), especially not now with the antics of the FLDS  ( I don’t like Fundementalism, the LDS is not fundementalist, it’s just the LDS) to remind me of what they were once. But, they do populate the Bus stops and the bicycle trails much more effectively than the Evangelicals who are also trying to save me. I don’t like this, but remain polite but I prefer to be inspired by someone like Tim Russert, who you never really knew why he acted right upon this stage until he died. That makes me wonder.

I like the sheer spectacle of when Pope John Paul went to Cuba to see the former altar boy Fidel Castro and talk about drama. I think it went well, but I got no real answers from that either, other than being impressed that the Pope didn’t tear Fidel a third asshole, and that Fidel allowed it. I know I’m not in favor of Communism, because it is state sponsored Atheism which is a religion in itself in my opinion. But the Church of Rome still has issues I cannot abide as yet.

As a recovering Alcoholic/Addict, I feel there is something out there that is greater than me, but I don’t know what it is, it’s on the “Tip of my Tongue”. A questioning mind, drugs, sex and rock and roll messed up my Lutheranism well prior to my recovery (Why mine and not Tim Russert’s), so it is not AA ( but one thing I like about AA is that whatever it is (the ash tray or the coffee cup can be a higher power), it doesn’t get all hot and bothered about defining itself to help the suffering Alcoholic/Addict) that took me away from Luther, or a lingering unease with the idea that other faiths didn’t have it (the correct message, redemption and so forth) and would pay in eternal life or lack of it that really did me in. Maybe my sister’s right, I don’t know, she’s smarter than me and more balanced, maybe another Zen Meeting? Something out there, I can feel it?

One other thing, I don’t like change, so I don’t like the New Bibles, I like the King James version because it’s more artistically profound and the modern music sucks so bad, I didn’t realize how much I liked the old until they updated it, I mean modern is Black Sabbath or Pink Floyd (or what ever), what they came up with in response to calls for modern music frankly stinks. I like “Oh Christ thou Lamb of God, that takest away the sin of the world” done over and over in mystical chants.( I used to be mad that church was boring, but many of the Churches that seem less boring cause so much trouble in politics, I’m getting a new respect for boring?)